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Episode 76: Total Family Management For The Family Business

In this episode of the Family Business Show, hosted by Michael Palumbos from Family Wealth and Legacy in Rochester, New York, guests Alex Kirby and Katie Jesionowski from Total Family Management share their insights on family wealth management and legacy building. The episode highlights the journey of the guests from their early career days to their current roles in helping families strengthen their legacies.

Katie Jesionowski discusses her background in advertising and how it laid the foundation for her understanding of the importance of messaging and delivery. After a brief hiatus to start a family, she ventured into entrepreneurship before joining Total Family Management, where she finds fulfillment in working to strengthen family legacies.

Alex Kirby shares his experience from managing commercial relationships in banking to his transition into training and development. His journey led him to realize the gap in resources for strategic family development, inspiring the creation of Total Family Management.

The show delves into the core mission of Total Family Management, which is to act as a coaching partner for families, helping them align their values and goals to foster a stronger, more cohesive family unit. The episode emphasizes the importance of continuous family development and the benefits of having a family-focused advisor to guide through the process.

Through their conversation, it becomes evident that Total Family Management's approach is about more than just wealth management; it's about understanding and nurturing the family dynamics that influence legacy and succession planning. The episode encourages listeners to consider how they can actively participate in shaping their family's future, highlighting the significance of open communication, shared values, and intentional planning in building a lasting legacy.

Watch the entire episode!

Episode 76 Transcript


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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Well welcome everybody to the family business show. I am your host, Michael Columbus, with family wealth and legacy in Rochester, New York.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and I'm. Super excited to bring Alex Kirby and Katie Jasonowski of total family management to you today. These guys are really knocking it out of the park in terms of

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: really having an impact with families and helping families to strengthen, which is one of our You know core purposes. They're helping them to strengthen their legacies, and just some really great stuff, a total family management. So you're in for a great show, Alex. Katie. Welcome.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: Thank you.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: So we have a tradition on the show. That is kind of tell us your journey, and i'm not talking about from H 2 i'm talking about like from college to where you are today. What did you do before total family management came out? So we can kind of set the stage

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: of your journey. So, Katie ladies, First, do you mind the diving in for us.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: and the way that I've always described that is, that I was not making the ads. But I was making sure that you sell them.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: So. It was a really good education for me that I've used in the rest of my career, with understanding that the vehicle is as important as the message.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: and from there I took about a year and a half off to have my twin daughters, who are now 13,

 

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Katie Jesionowski: and when they were almost 2. I co-founded an organic. It's not Food Company

 

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Katie Jesionowski: with one of my closest friends that we ran for 10 years.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: She is like a family member to me today, which surprises a lot of people, because I think we're accustomed to hearing the opposite when friends go into business together.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: But that was a really great foundation for people development for me, particularly if you've ever seen how many snacks a small child can eat in a day.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: So joining Tfm. Was really easy for me. It's the kind of work I love to do personally, and in spite of thinking I would probably never be able to work for someone else again, because i'd work for myself for so long.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: It was surprising how easy it was to say, you know. Yes, to working for Alex, which is probably the nicest compliment that I can give him.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: That's awesome. I appreciate that. And it really it's it's nice that you've had that business background. You're going into this with.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: for you know, from a with a bit, you know, going into this business with that background, and then on top of that it's like I got have to imagine that

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: you know your services. You know. I know this is the family business. So a lot of the family businesses would relate. You'd relate to what they're going through and what they're doing so

 

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Katie Jesionowski: Well, Absolutely.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Alex. You're up.

 

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Alex - TFM: I grew up in your neck of the woods upstate New York, so like, you know, grew up starting my car

 

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Alex - TFM: 35 min before I would actually go do something moved to Maryland after college. I still live there with my wife and son. We have another another boy on the way. So it's really exciting.

 

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Alex - TFM: I spent the first decade of my career managing commercial relationships for a bank.

 

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Alex - TFM: and during that time I was facilitating

 

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Alex - TFM: what we call transformational leadership with the Hr team at the bank. So kind of 10 years in people development there. After that I went to work for a training and development organization. Who is my client.

 

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Alex - TFM: I was the vp of sales over there for 5 years, and I didn't. I don't think I I knew I wanted to start a company, but I also sort of felt like so much had changed through the pandemic

 

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Alex - TFM: that there was really an opportunity for companies like us who were authentic wanted to do it, wanted to do it in the right way that there was just a big opportunity created. So you know, hiring, for example, for us, Michael, like

 

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Alex - TFM: we're a 100% remote company.

 

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Alex - TFM: We find talented people all over the Us.

 

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Alex - TFM: No better example than Katie, but in really short amount of time we have talented people in in 14 States, so I I think part of the kind of story of Tfm is

 

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Alex - TFM: is how quickly we're growing, and how different our company feels from

 

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Alex - TFM: you know. Maybe some of the old legacy companies that you've seen.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: Nice Katy. Where are you located? I'm: in New Jersey, just outside of Manhattan. Okay.

 

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cool.

 

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Alex - TFM: Oh, yeah, we we asked Katie to come into the office 4 days a week from now. I'm staying.

 

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Alex - TFM: I didn't see any of that.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: So let's talk about Tfm. Total family management.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Where?

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: What I mean. What was the seed of this idea

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: when when you started? I think it really you know what happened. What was the seed that grew this, as you know, where we're in today.

 

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Alex - TFM: Yeah, i'll take that one. I spent 15 years, and you know I just think of it as like 15 years in training and development.

 

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Alex - TFM: And so I had really seen the firsthand benefit Michael of coaching

 

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Alex - TFM: leadership programs

 

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Alex - TFM: both with young people and with

 

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Alex - TFM: it. Really experience executives who just wanted to grow and get better. We all know these types of people

 

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Alex - TFM: in 2,019. I was the Vp. Of of this sales organization.

 

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Alex - TFM: It just wasn't for me.

 

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Alex - TFM: and I was traveling all the time. We found out my wife Beth was pregnant.

 

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Alex - TFM: and when Covid hit we were the the firm that I was with our delivery was 95 in person

 

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Alex - TFM: or so.

 

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Alex - TFM: and then, in 2,020, just due to necessity, we pivoted to a 100% virtual right? We thought it was going to be awful.

 

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Alex - TFM: but it it really wasn't, You know. Everyone adjusted. We were actually able to see our clients more.

 

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Alex - TFM: But then, you know, just going back to the founding of this company, I remember working

 

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Alex - TFM: in an annual priorities with a technology executive.

 

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Alex - TFM: and in 2,020, and this executive was really burned out.

 

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Alex - TFM: They were going through a divorce.

 

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Alex - TFM: and they just weren't in a good place what whatsoever. But outside, looking in, you know.

 

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Alex - TFM: big, you know, big, cool, executive.

 

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Alex - TFM: And I just remember thinking like.

 

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Alex - TFM: why are we spending time on the vision of this company.

 

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Alex - TFM: when the personal life

 

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Alex - TFM: is like in in such disarray, like we should almost start there and then, I guess for me, i'll. I also like

 

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Alex - TFM: kind of had a fear of that happening to myself.

 

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Alex - TFM: But when I went to look for help I just couldn't really find any resources.

 

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Alex - TFM: so I I think there's a lot of development resources for businesses, you know, consulting firms and and great groups like yours. But as I looked for something for like my family.

 

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Alex - TFM: I just was coming up short, and I didn't want therapy.

 

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Alex - TFM: I just wanted something to be like someone to help me be strategic about my life

 

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Alex - TFM: and about my family.

 

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Alex - TFM: and

 

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Alex - TFM: I just kept going back to the fact, like, how could there be so few resources

 

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Alex - TFM: when you can go up to any stranger in any city in the world.

 

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Alex - TFM: and ask them what is the most important thing to you in your entire life

 

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Alex - TFM: family? Is it the only answer you'll get.

 

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Alex - TFM: but it's very. It's overwhelmingly the most common answer. And we define family like really broadly, that could be like, You know, your immediate family that could be like, you know, step parents that could be best friends like we define it broadly, but we just felt like there was a gap

 

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Alex - TFM: between what people knew in their gut was important.

 

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Alex - TFM: where they were spending their time and where they had resources.

 

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Alex - TFM: and Katie and I both played sports, so we felt like a family was a team.

 

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Alex - TFM: but sort of a team that didn't have a coach.

 

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Alex - TFM: So when we create a Tfm. We just say we're the official partner of families, the official coaching partner of families.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I love it, I love it.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Katie. When when Alex approached you.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: what were the what were the things that he said that made you say.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I can't believe i'm doing this. But i'm in

 

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Katie Jesionowski: Yeah, I mean a lot of what you just heard to be honest.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: if I I am somebody who enjoys this work. As I said so, you know, personal development for me has been really important, particularly in the last I would say 10 to 15 years, and this was a something I had never considered, never heard of, so to be in that world.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: And then to be surprised by something in that world, I think, was really what did it for me?

 

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Katie Jesionowski: Because I I wasn't, considering myself an expert, but I certainly felt aware of what was available to me to help improve myself and my family.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: and it was really fun to think about something completely new.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Got it, you know, so I will share with you. And Alex and I have talked about this

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: but

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: one of my very first clients, probably one of the first 5 or 10 clients. When I first started 22 years ago, 23 years ago.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: we did all this incredible

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: the state planning work where we, you know, and back then we had an estate tax issue. So we, you know we were really, you know, it was for a state taxes. We were doing some really good things, but they had a family cottage

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: where the family had gathered

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: for every summer in upstate New York and Alex. It was right down the road from you. Little York Lake.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Very nice. Yup, and a freshwater guy, so I get it. There you go. And

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: And so he wanted to put, and they but you know him and his wife wanted to put the cottage

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: in a trust with enough money so that the kids could take care of it and have that place go forever.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Mom and Dad passed

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: very shortly after we put this plan into place. It was just one after another, 6 months apart, and

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: within a year the cottage was out of the trust. The money was out of the trust. The kids didn't want to be together.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and they never asked.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: We never had the conversation, and so very early in my career I felt that, and I went out looking for ways to do. You know, talk about these things, and we've been talking about. And so I mentored with Jay Hughes, James Hughes, who wrote family wealth, keeping in the family, and a whole bunch of other books.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and just you know, that led me to the purpose of planning is to but for those families that I served, which were middle market.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: You know

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: family owned businesses or lower.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: you know. A lot of them were Mom and pop across the kitchen table hiring somebody at 25,000 or $50,000 to do values and and and vision and mission of the family. And where am I going? Just was out of reach? And I just. You know I've been looking for this

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: for my you know, for myself, and you know you. You both happen to know, and i'm that this is not an endorsement, but my wife and I are going through this process, and my wife and I are are enjoying the process, and my wife was resistant to the process.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and after the first meeting she's like I don't get it whatever. After the second meeting she goes. I understand why we're doing this now, and

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: we're really excited about. We. We have adult children.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and we

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: want to do some different things with them. And if we aren't intentional.

 

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where are we going.

 

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Alex - TFM: so I I really appreciate this. I have some. I don't want to. I'm excited about what you're doing, so let's talk about No? Well, Michael, I mean just to like to that point. You know the what you're talking about with that early client

 

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Alex - TFM: was not, you know, if you are only looking at the problem through a wealth lens. Yes.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: thank you. You You did everything that you were supposed to do

 

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Alex - TFM: through the wealth lance

 

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Alex - TFM: and I know we talk about non-financial domains of wealth and financial domains of wealth. But most of the financial advisors we work with

 

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Alex - TFM: are looking at things through the wealth lens because that's the one they know and understand, and they're good at.

 

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Alex - TFM: But a lot of times we just find, like when we hear those stories, you know, I just hear

 

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Alex - TFM: like you did your job. But there was a whole another thing going on over here that maybe a lot of people involved didn't understand?

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Yeah, we? We didn't communicate. We never asked the kids. What do they want? And it's so easy to do that.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: And it. What if they said, what if the kids had said to Mom and Dad.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: we don't want to be joined at the hip in this cottage that would be brutal for us

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: wouldn't get eye open or for them, when they think that everybody's happy and hunky dory, and they want to be together forever, and they're not.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Maybe I could have done something intentional before I passed.

 

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Alex - TFM: Yeah. Well, I mean what like Katie and I have our own families.

 

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Alex - TFM: Our families are far from perfect.

 

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Alex - TFM: of course, right? And I think when you say it's easy. It's like.

 

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Alex - TFM: and we hear this like, oh, this is the soft stuff, or this is the easy stuff.

 

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Alex - TFM: I just Don't think that's true.

 

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Alex - TFM: and it's very, very hard to talk to your own family.

 

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Alex - TFM: We're all really, and everyone in our company is is comfortable helping other families. But then, when you go to talk to your own kids, your your own parents, or your own, who, whatever there's just something different about it. And so, having, like that objective kind of person in your life who can be on the sidelines, They're not really in

 

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Alex - TFM: what's going on. But they can sort of point out things. I think it's it's really helpful. So

 

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Katie Jesionowski: yeah, I would also add, You know it's really just the incremental

 

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Katie Jesionowski: small improvements, you know. Sometimes it's not going to be

 

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Katie Jesionowski: the difficult conversation about the cottage before we lose our parents.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: If we had backtracked, if we had zoomed out 10 years and started those conversations. You know. How does that change? What happens? You know, in the future, so that you can really see the progress that you need.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: It's not in one conversation. It's really over time.

 

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Alex - TFM: That's that's an amazing point by Katie, and I think the solutions that are in the market right now typically at the higher end of the market.

 

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Alex - TFM: They involve like a retreat.

 

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Alex - TFM: or like we're doing this for 2 days, or we're going to solve all our problems in this period of time.

 

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Alex - TFM: and you know, to Katie's point one like, we're not really there to solve anything.

 

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Alex - TFM: It's really a little bit over time.

 

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Alex - TFM: We meet with families typically on a quarterly basis.

 

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Alex - TFM: So it's like

 

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Alex - TFM: 4 meetings a year

 

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Alex - TFM: for as long as we can possibly do it. And over time we're gonna get to some of that stuff, but it's just hard to show up and be like all right.

 

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Alex - TFM: We're solving this problem. Everyone sit down. You know it's just it's it doesn't really work like that.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I mean that's really important to point out to people. I think it's a awful lot like going to the gym. You don't walk into the gym and start Breath bench pressing £500. You work your way up to it and do those things, and you're right, you know. A 2 day family retreat

 

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Alex - TFM: might make some people's eyes pop out of their head as they were like. You want me to do what.

 

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Alex - TFM: and you were sure like you were sharing in your session. There is just an emotional component to it

 

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Alex - TFM: all this when you're talking about the thing you care about, the most.

 

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Alex - TFM: So doing it for like 8 h

 

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Alex - TFM: is a lot.

 

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Alex - TFM: Yeah, it's it's really a lot. So spreading it out, doing it when you're in a good head space, creating, like, you know, an avenue that is respectful of the subject. Matter

 

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Alex - TFM: is something that we're constantly focusing on, because, like. I can't do that work for 8 h for for my own family. So I don't see how we we would expect anyone else to.

 

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Yeah.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: So I think we understand the mission of Tfm.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Let's talk, you know, and let's see if I can paraphrase it, but it's to enhance the family relationships to enhance the family's legacy to enhance. And I'm, you know, do you guys, do you have a written? What is our mission at this point? Or yeah, what is it? Share? If you don't mind sharing it?

 

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Katie Jesionowski: Yes, we we show up and help families and show up, you know, if you really think about what that phrase means it means more than being present.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: It really means, you know.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: in the way that the person i'm showing up for needs.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: and that might be different for every single client, and we we have, you know, guidelines to what we do, but we have an incredible team of advisors that are knowledgeable and flexible and empathetic to whatever situation they're in.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: So I think it's really showing up for us. Means.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: you know, going in with intention with the Tfm. Intention. Never! You will never, ever ever hear anyone in this company say there is a Tfm way to be successful.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: It's just the opposite of who we are and what we want to be. We help families to find their values, and then align those with the rest of their life.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: That's really our goal great. And and so you know, if a family has an advisor that they're working with, you know the Tsm. Advisor.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: they're not coming in as therapists or counselors. They're just there as facilitators of this process of these conversations

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: to the and they're just showing up to help the family.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: And exactly

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and what's really neat is

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: all of these conversations, then for people that you know we're not. We don't have a screen to share to show everybody the software and whatnot. But there's you know all of these

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: great conversations are held online, correct. Do you mind talking about? You know I I just finished up meeting one where we're just talking about the different roles. The Victorian I play in our lives, and we were just like astounded at

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: how many different roles we play. Number one. We're also astounded at we one of the things that our advisor Cynthia, did that what I just thought was magical was when

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: she asked us to pick the 3 to 5.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: She I this is the word she used, I want to say most important. But that was not what she said. She goes the the ones that are important to you, and then explain why you You're picking those kinds of things. And what was really important, it was a really good distinction. My wife said

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: she, picked these 3 because she was most proud of these 3 roles.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and I picked these 3 to 5 roles because they were the ones that were most important to me.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: And so, just right there opened up a conversation that you know we both have said we're going to spend some time understanding. You know

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: you came at things from what you're proud of. I came at it from what's important to me? I'm curious what's different? And then what's the same if I talk about them? What I'm most proud of. And now what's what's most of? And then she talks about what's most important her. That's a really interesting conversation.

 

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Alex - TFM: Yeah, Our Our advisors are amazing.

 

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Alex - TFM: They They impress us every single day just with their empathy. And so many people just don't have someone to like. Listen to them.

 

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Alex - TFM: You know. There's just with how distracted it feels like everyone is like, you know, someone truly listening to you. You actually notice it.

 

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Alex - TFM: but they talk, you know, between 20 and 30% of the time our advisors.

 

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Alex - TFM: So they're really asking questions.

 

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Alex - TFM: And a lot of our families are. I got a lot going on like I don't have time to like. Prepare for these workshops. It's like you don't have to prepare. You have all the answers. All we're doing is just kind of facilitating, and you know many times like you describe you and and your spouse going through it. Our guys will just sit back

 

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Alex - TFM: because the 2 of you are like on an awesome path.

 

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Alex - TFM: talking about something in your own way. There is really no place for us in in that conversation. We're just there to, you know. Facilitate it. You asked about the the technology.

 

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Alex - TFM: Our big thing for families as a whole, is it's just very, very hard

 

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Alex - TFM: to see your family getting better

 

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Alex - TFM: like there's no

 

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Alex - TFM: metric that you can look at.

 

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Alex - TFM: You know that it You can't like. You can't judge it by height.

 

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Alex - TFM: you know, and so

 

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Alex - TFM: it's also hard to like. See the work that you've done over time. So we talked about some of these retreats and all that kind of stuff. A lot of those things get written on, post it, and filed away in drawers and never looked at again. And when you talk about goal setting, like everyone you know, has it in a different way. So we have an amazing

 

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Alex - TFM: CTO who has been with us since the beginning.

 

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Alex - TFM: He does like. If you really want to be amazed, you know you see what what our CTO Mike is capable of, and we're just building this technology to support everything that our families are trying to do.

 

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Alex - TFM: So when we hear awesome things like, when, if you said something really fantastic about your wife.

 

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Alex - TFM: We might just capture that in your portal in your family portal. So 3 years from now, you know, when you're like a little mad at, or whatever you're like. I I forgot, like

 

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Alex - TFM: she was really supportive of me, and that really hard time my life. I forgot that.

 

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Alex - TFM: or tracking goals

 

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Alex - TFM: or having a place to look at values. So you don't just do the value exercise, and then it like totally disappears, and you never talk about it again.

 

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Alex - TFM: So we use our technology to sort of help. Families

 

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Alex - TFM: make progress, because 6 h a year adds up.

 

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Alex - TFM: Yeah, I would argue that most families. Don't really spend a ton of time being strategic.

 

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Alex - TFM: And so 6 h a year being strategic over, you know, a period of 4, 5, 6, 7 years you get a lot done.

 

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Alex - TFM: and when you look back at all the cumulative work it feels really good

 

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Alex - TFM: for people, and that's like what we were trying to do with the technology. Both keep them organized, but then also let them see their their progress.

 

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Love it.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: You talk about values for just a second

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: writing our values down, and you know that just going through the exercise.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Why is it important for a family to have that conversation about? What do we value.

 

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Alex - TFM: I can take that, Katie. I, Katieo. Probably we do a lot of yes, yes, anding improv when we're creating our workshop, so it's always a yes, and

 

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Alex - TFM: but values

 

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Alex - TFM: for me is like priorities.

 

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Alex - TFM: You You can't have 20 priorities. If you have 20 priorities, you you arguably have no priorities.

 

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Alex - TFM: and the exercise in figuring out both your priorities and your values, is forcing yourself

 

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Alex - TFM: to like.

 

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Alex - TFM: Pick an answer.

 

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Alex - TFM: None of the words that you see on our value list are bad.

 

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Alex - TFM: It's like honestly integrity, adventurous loyalty. These are all these are all wonderful words and things to be.

 

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Alex - TFM: But you can't take a you know we start with 72 words.

 

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Alex - TFM: You can't take 72 words and go to your. You know your your kids or your spouse, and say, we gotta be all these.

 

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Alex - TFM: It's kind of impossible. So we asked people to whittle it down. Talk about why it's important to them. Combine them as a family.

 

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Alex - TFM: And then, also, just with the you'll hear this from our group all the time, like

 

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Alex - TFM: we're just trying to get it 80% there.

 

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Alex - TFM: Yeah, your values can change.

 

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Alex - TFM: You can come back in next quarter and say, you know what I actually think it's this: it's not intended to be rigid. It's intended to be like, really, really healthy.

 

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That's great.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: Yes, and keeping on the sports analogy thing which we seem to love more than the average group, you know. If you think about your family as a team, my husband, my daughters, myself. You're thinking about

 

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Katie Jesionowski: how you can improve yourself individually, and then how you can improve collectively and establishing values for a team keeps you moving in the same direction.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: so that at any given moment, if we're thinking about 72 words, which

 

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Katie Jesionowski: direction of the field of the court are we running in? You know we're always more effective

 

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Katie Jesionowski: if we have a a goal in mind and values our goals right, just because one of my goals in my family has to be authentic or to focus on humor, you know, or playfulness doesn't mean that i'm always ready to do that

 

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Katie Jesionowski: right. But in the big picture.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: if i'm making movement forward, motion toward those values, then we're all moving in that same direction, and you just

 

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Katie Jesionowski: everything's better.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I I yes, and there we go. I would add to that

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: you as you're talking it's really starting to come together a little bit more for me, and that you use the sports analogy, Katie.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: there's no successful team that's ever won the Olympics.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: you know, without a coach. There's no successful you nobody's gone to the Super Bowl without a coach.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: And so really, at the end of the day, what the Tfm. Is, that process is that it's not an advisor. It's the family coach.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: It's that, you know. There's there's certain, you know the coach knows, hey? You know what you might want to work on that jump shot. And so the Tfm coach looks at it and says, hey, you know, can bring it back around to say, Remember that value that we talked about here. You know what here's an exercise that you might want to think about as a family that you could take through, and

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I think I i'm guessing it, that it's not guessing it. But I know that the the software and the the the modules that you have built inside of there you have a a path, but but everybody's path is different. But there's a resource that's available for the family when they want to and need it, and the coach can see it.

 

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Alex - TFM: Yeah, the coach see? Stuff that just the players can't see when they're in the game. Right? That's like, you know. Anytime a coach has pulled you off to the side, and just to like pointed something out. You're like that's what's happening out there like. I couldn't I couldn't totally see it.

 

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Alex - TFM: But to tie this back to the wealth and some of your clients, you know, when you're talking about things that you want to pass on

 

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Alex - TFM: values is very, very high on the list

 

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Alex - TFM: of most of the people that we talk to, and it usually manifests like we hear it in different ways. It's just like

 

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Alex - TFM: I've worked so hard.

 

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Alex - TFM: you know. Hard work is what got me to where I am today.

 

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Alex - TFM: That is something I want my kids to have like. We hear that type of stuff

 

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Alex - TFM: constantly. And so values is one of the things that like with any of these exercises, it's not really about you.

 

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Alex - TFM: the person who's doing the exercise. If we're talking from the legacy perspective.

 

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Alex - TFM: it's about the people that are around you, the ones you might leave behind the ones that are gonna miss you to have some way to be like

 

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Alex - TFM: man like I let's not forget

 

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Alex - TFM: about how hard work, how important hard work was to You know my my grandfather and my grandmother, and my

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: my mom, or my dad. Yeah, for for years, and i'm always i'm the guilty of the who it works so well. I stopped doing it routine. But for many years I would. I would ask clients, you know.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: if you had knowledge.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: your values.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and all of your assets, and you could only pick 2 to pass on to your children.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I can tell you, to a T. Not one of my clients, no matter what they were worth, said the assets. It was always the knowledge and the values.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: But I didn't have a method other than

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: throwing out some conversations without a process without a coach, because I was always busy worrying about the assets, too, and you know, and they're getting the assets ready for the years.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: You know we've done family meetings. We've had some really great conversations, but without a process.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: And so what I love about what you're doing with. Tfm is bringing in that process for people to be able to follow and to open up some conversations, and that you know me. And as the advisor. Now it's like it's doing that what we what we I could care less about.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: assets under management we're we're a firm that believes in relationships under management, and our real goal is to strengthen the family or strengthen the business or strength of the legacy, and it's like, you know. Yes, that's just how we get paid is managing money and doing all of the planning work. But at the core

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: this is what's important, and I know it's important, because I know it from my family, and if it's important like you said, you can ask a 1 million people that question. What's most important to you?

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: At least 80 90 of the time my gut would say that it comes up family.

 

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Alex - TFM: not always. Yeah.

 

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Alex - TFM: And I I feel like the advisors, you know, to us like, especially advisors like you, and there's a lot of them

 

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Alex - TFM: that are thinking about that are trying to respond to the changing demands of their clients. You can't find a report written by Mckinsey, by fidelity, by anyone

 

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Alex - TFM: that is not pointing in this direction.

 

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Alex - TFM: And so for us, we view you as part of the coaching staff. Whether you're the head coach, or where that coach doesn't really matter, it's kind of just having this group of people on the sidelines collectively looking out for the family.

 

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Alex - TFM: Yeah to saying like, All right. So you okay, you got the legal docs. You got the you got the financial docs we have, you know the quote unquote soft stuff or the non financial stuff. You're gonna get to a pretty good spot

 

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Alex - TFM: if you have a well-rounded coaching staff. Yeah.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: no, it it's a I used to when I first started. I used to, you know. Describe the clients. I'm kind of the quarterback that gets everything you know, in the right place and the right time to make sure that it all happens. And then over time, I realize

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: i'm not even on the field.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: you know. I'm, i'm i'm on the lines helping.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: And you're right. It's not just one coach. It's the it's the account, and was the tax coach. It's the the State planning attorney, the business and and tax coach, and the financial Advisor, and the and the family coach. It's all of those peach people working together, and that's a really

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: unique thing. There's right. That word right there. Collaboration. I didn't say the word. It was in my head collaboration when the advisory team

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: can collaborate, and that's one of the things Alex and Katie and I have talked about is the fact that how do we take the information, and what is important to the family, make sure that the other teams.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: the the other advisory teams are collaborating and know what's important, so that when they're

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: putting a technical thing in front of them. It might not fit their this family's objectives or their values. And you really need to do that.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: Yeah, I think that's a really good point, Michael, because, you know, we say a lot internally.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: as the the coach never takes the game winning shot

 

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Katie Jesionowski: you. Just it's just good to remember that. Right. We we can guide you and coach you and encourage you to be in the position to take a game winning chat.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: and that's what you ultimately want for your family. I just want to feel like

 

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Katie Jesionowski: i'm in this right, and i'm i'm headed for a successful outcome.

 

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and it's just it's a great reminder, You know we're we're all on the sidelines just cheering them on.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: love it.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: So let's talk about for a second a little bit nuts and bolts about. You know how the program works. I know we've we've done some big picture, but it starts off with a 4 meetings in 60 days if i'm not if I get that right. And that's called Connect. Why, don't we?

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Why, we, you know, take to take some time to talk about. Connect.

 

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Alex - TFM: Yeah. Every family starts the the same way. So usually they're coming to us through. Sometimes it's it's through an employer, and we're working with, you know, employees in a company, but the vast majority of the time it's coming from a wealth partner and R. Ia. Someone like yourself, Michael.

 

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Alex - TFM: We start with 4 private virtual workshops

 

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Alex - TFM: that's with our advisor. And then with the 2, you know, typically it's like the the patriarch and the matriarch of the family

 

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Alex - TFM: in those sessions. They're 90 min a piece. They're over about 60 days, but we just have tons of schedule flexibility like you do all your scheduling in our technology, as you know. And so there's lots of flexibility. We're trying to just meet families where they are when they can do it.

 

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Alex - TFM: The first one is a get to know you, because you just have to do that.

 

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Alex - TFM: you know you can't jump into someone's life and try to like, pretend like you know what's going on?

 

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Alex - TFM: The second one which you just had, I think, was was vision

 

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Alex - TFM: where we talk about roles that people play, and we call vision because it's like it's really really hard to like.

 

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Alex - TFM: Just

 

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Alex - TFM: answer the question, what is the vision for my family?

 

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Alex - TFM: It's a very complicated question, but when you break it down into roles.

 

306

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Alex - TFM: and you're like Well, what is my vision for me as a dad?

 

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Alex - TFM: What does success look like as a dad? What does success look like as a as a son or daughter? It's a little simpler. It's like you can kind of see it.

 

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Alex - TFM: The third one is values, so we we sort of felt like we wanted to get this one in early, because every you know, business in America, including us, has values, and I think families have intrinsic values.

 

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Alex - TFM: but they don't. They're not always written out

 

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Alex - TFM: to where they can, you know, point and agree and talk. And then the last session we call roadmap, where we're sort of we're exploring some big questions. We're doing a little bit of goal setting with the family.

 

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Alex - TFM: and we're setting the stage for the ongoing relationship, which is 4 meetings a year.

 

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Alex - TFM: If If the families will have us.

 

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Alex - TFM: they'll stay with Tfm. And their advisor from now until you know, whenever we stop adding value, and I think that's the real difference.

 

314

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Alex - TFM: And what we're trying to do here. It's not a program.

 

315

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Alex - TFM: There's no there's no specific end date.

 

316

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Alex - TFM: If you only do 4 sessions with us, you're going to be better off.

 

317

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Alex - TFM: If you stay with us for 10 years. You're also going to be better off.

 

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Alex - TFM: But just like you, you know you alluded to like staying in shape.

 

319

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Alex - TFM: That's just that on going back right, being healthy is just like an ongoing battle. So it there isn't really a point where you're like.

 

320

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Alex - TFM: My family is communicating perfectly. I I've never heard that.

 

321

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Alex - TFM: So it's just like constant work, and and not giving yourself a hard time, and just like focusing on it for a period of time which we hope is a is a long time. We we hope to support families for a really long time.

 

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Right.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Katie. Anything you want to add to the connect process.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: I would add. You know we we talk of Alex just alluded to it a little bit that this they're called constant work problems. So you think about your health, your vitality. Your relationships.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: you know. An example I sometimes give is, if I said to my daughters on Wednesdays, you can tell me about your day.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: Then I can't really expect them to come to me if they have a problem

 

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Katie Jesionowski: right? I have to constantly be finding ways to show for them, particularly as teenage middle schoolers right so, and I would also say to the point of you know, for work with us, for as long as we had value.

 

328

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Katie Jesionowski: everyone in the family is constantly changing and evolving, and so that communication process continues to change, and

 

329

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Katie Jesionowski: you might need a completely different way to be successful. So the values exercise the values. Workshop is one that we envisioned families coming back to many, many times. You know. How have they or your vision? Your roles? You know my.

 

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Katie Jesionowski: you know. Some day I will retire, and that will be a main role for me. I won't. Be caring for my children in my home. So thinking about this as an evolution, and not just work that I should do. And then I'll be great

 

331

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Katie Jesionowski: is a really healthy way to look at it just like you know, your long term fitness or health goals.

 

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Alex - TFM: And there's also, you know, just on the the of a partner or a coach thing with you for a long period of time.

 

333

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Alex - TFM: You know we don't want to drop in

 

334

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Alex - TFM: and try to solve something and then leave.

 

335

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Alex - TFM: We're establishing a foundation with our families, that

 

336

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Alex - TFM: when they encounter things

 

337

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Alex - TFM: we can lean on.

 

338

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Alex - TFM: and we may have known the parents, or we may have understood this issue, and that it was there for a long period of time. It's really hard to just swoop into a family.

 

339

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Alex - TFM: get a lay of the land of all the really complicated moving parts

 

340

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Alex - TFM: and and bring a solution to bear, because most of the time, like

 

341

00:37:41.070 --> 00:37:43.339

Alex - TFM: people, Aren't, really looking for a solution.

 

342

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Alex - TFM: You know, they they are looking for just help like talking through it and getting through it, and

 

343

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Alex - TFM: and whatever. So I think

 

344

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Alex - TFM: I don't think you'll see a model like ours

 

345

00:37:54.620 --> 00:38:03.900

Alex - TFM: that is, is looking for a cost effective way, because you you alluded to like how expensive some of these other options are. So we needed it to be

 

346

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Alex - TFM: to work in the economic model of financial advisors

 

347

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Alex - TFM: so that we could stay with families for as long as possible.

 

348

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: It it's interesting. I want to talk about the values piece of that. Because, Katie, you alluded to something that I want to make sure that people get.

 

349

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and that's our Our families are constantly changing. When you and your husband, you and your spouse get married. You chose each other

 

350

00:38:30.560 --> 00:38:38.100

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: because the values aligned, because you know everything you know is is is working for you, and then you had kids.

 

351

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Those children are separate human beings.

 

352

00:38:42.220 --> 00:38:50.310

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and figuring out what they value, that it's great. If you can pass on your values to them. But there may be some things that are different.

 

353

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Victoria and I have 7 children between the 2 of us.

 

354

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Not all of our kids share the same values.

 

355

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: So one of the things that we're looking forward to through this process is to find a time when we can get all 7 kids, and some of them are already married. One of them already has children

 

356

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and get them talking about what is, you know we we call ourselves the pale March gang, Columbus, March Hour gang.

 

357

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: And what are the values that we share?

 

358

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: So that when we're doing things together

 

359

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: when we're you know, we're making sure that we're zeroing in on the values that we share. Because if we.

 

360

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: if we don't, do that, if we're trying to force our values on these

 

361

00:39:36.130 --> 00:39:47.020

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: independent thinking human beings. That's where some of the conflict comes, and the joy for Victoria and I is. We read a book called

 

362

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Come on

 

363

00:39:49.060 --> 00:39:51.150

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: piece the anatomy of piece.

 

364

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and it talks about being in the box or out of the box, and we, as we read the book we set there going.

 

365

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: We're in the box with our kids. We have these expectations. We have this: what we think their journey is supposed to look like, and we need to get out of the box

 

366

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and just be okay.

 

367

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: loving them and watching them. And so, my son Alex, you know this, Katie, you might not know this. But my son was in a motorcycle act, and it became a paraplegic in 2,022

 

368

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and

 

369

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: he runs a business that i'm not really

 

370

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: always

 

371

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: okay with.

 

372

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: But that's his choice, and it's. And he has his reasons and things for doing that that business. And it's

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: becoming more and more. You know it's in the cannabis industry, and so it's becoming more and more thought based. But I grew up in the war against Drugs Era. So it was a little difficult for Victoria and I to make that shift.

 

374

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and

 

375

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: we stopped

 

376

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: judging. We stop trying to tell him, you know. Take all these skills and put them into. You know a business that doesn't have all of these connotations, and we were just with him and his fiance for dinner on Sunday. So this week.

 

377

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and we just were with them. We just showed up Katie.

 

378

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and we just talked.

 

379

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and Connor looked at the 2 of us instead.

 

380

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: This was really nice. It's nice to be friends with you.

 

381

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I hope we can do this more often.

 

382

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: That's all I ever wanted at the end of the day. It's all I ever wanted. It's all we ever wanted.

 

383

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: So values matter

 

384

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: a lot, and I appreciate all the things that you're doing here.

 

385

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Katie Jesionowski: You know. It's interesting. Oh, sorry! Someone recently pointed out to me something I'd never

 

386

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Katie Jesionowski: thought of once.

 

387

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Katie Jesionowski: which is your relationship with your children after they're out of your home

 

388

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Katie Jesionowski: is much much longer.

 

389

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Katie Jesionowski: and your relationship with them when they're in your home. But of course, how can you have that perspective when all you're doing is chasing them around your home right?

 

390

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Katie Jesionowski: So it's such a gift to think of everything you just said, and the opportunity there.

 

391

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Katie Jesionowski: and and it's also alluding to the very first story which you told, which is, you know, ultimately succession planning

 

392

00:42:23.650 --> 00:42:25.169

Katie Jesionowski: right, and how

 

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Katie Jesionowski: valuable that is, and what a dialogue that is, because I think the mistake would be.

 

394

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Katie Jesionowski: You know succession planning is a monologue. This is what will happen when i'm no longer here, and it's just absolutely not if you want to

 

395

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Katie Jesionowski: pass on what the majority of us do, which is way more than the estate.

 

396

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Katie Jesionowski: right so to to look at it like a dialogue and the opportunity for a dialogue.

 

397

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Katie Jesionowski: We always recommend that the heads of the household

 

398

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Katie Jesionowski: come through Tfm. Together.

 

399

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Katie Jesionowski: and then we open up the conversation for all the reasons that you're describing. You know you and Victoria have

 

400

00:43:03.760 --> 00:43:11.629

Katie Jesionowski: have come to this realization because of the conversation. Because of these books that you're reading, and you know. That's how that happens.

 

401

00:43:11.810 --> 00:43:17.640

Katie Jesionowski: and we see that as a really effective way to just improve that dialogue.

 

402

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Alex - TFM: And if you're you know.

 

403

00:43:21.490 --> 00:43:26.100

Alex - TFM: for for me, speaking for me. A good way to get me to not do something

 

404

00:43:26.370 --> 00:43:28.600

Alex - TFM: is to mandate that I do it.

 

405

00:43:29.260 --> 00:43:32.100

Alex - TFM: And so I think, for values.

 

406

00:43:32.200 --> 00:43:33.270

Alex - TFM: giving

 

407

00:43:33.370 --> 00:43:35.660

Alex - TFM: your adult children.

 

408

00:43:35.750 --> 00:43:37.000

Alex - TFM: the autonomy

 

409

00:43:37.710 --> 00:43:46.129

Alex - TFM: like They already know what your values are. They lived with you for a really long time, right? So so you can say what you want, but they know what your values are.

 

410

00:43:46.390 --> 00:43:47.470

Alex - TFM: and

 

411

00:43:47.800 --> 00:43:49.850

Alex - TFM: when they get to choose their own

 

412

00:43:50.420 --> 00:43:53.349

Alex - TFM: you're you can bring. You can come together.

 

413

00:43:53.960 --> 00:44:01.529

Alex - TFM: so you know, with your own separate values. And and you there's always going to be something some level of crossover.

 

414

00:44:01.980 --> 00:44:05.069

Alex - TFM: you know. Hey? We picked Honestly, you picked integrity.

 

415

00:44:05.320 --> 00:44:07.280

Alex - TFM: I learned that from you, dad.

 

416

00:44:07.620 --> 00:44:10.510

Alex - TFM: because this happened, or that happened, or whatever

 

417

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Alex - TFM: that's very different.

 

418

00:44:12.420 --> 00:44:13.870

Alex - TFM: Then sitting

 

419

00:44:14.200 --> 00:44:15.929

Alex - TFM: your sundown and saying

 

420

00:44:16.060 --> 00:44:21.929

Alex - TFM: integrity is what you must be. This is what you must do. This is how you must live your life. I don't think anyone

 

421

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Alex - TFM: is going to respond to that.

 

422

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Alex - TFM: and we find that when we bring people together there's way more similar, like the words aren't always identical.

 

423

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Alex - TFM: But you see these like kind of you know, inter weaving of similarities between, like someone being adventurous and someone being creative and someone being. And it's actually like, really, really, you know, a nice exercise instead of going through and saying, this is how you have to do it, because I I just don't think people will respond to that.

 

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: You and I have spoken, Alex. A bunch of times, and I don't I i'm putting you on the spot here right now. So I apologize and feel free to say, no.

 

425

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Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Is it possible to share. Are there any stories from families that they have said? It's okay to share any of these stories that were they other people that aha moments, or is that off?

 

426

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Alex - TFM: I mean, I think you know I think we have a number of aha moments. I'll share one, and then maybe Katie can also share one.

 

427

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Alex - TFM: The

 

428

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Alex - TFM: I was talking to a client who sort of akinned what we were doing

 

429

00:45:27.540 --> 00:45:29.870

Alex - TFM: to preventative health care

 

430

00:45:30.400 --> 00:45:36.450

Alex - TFM: and they were. They're kind of looking at, like, you know, the the health care system, and and they described it as a sick care system.

 

431

00:45:36.750 --> 00:45:41.299

Alex - TFM: you know, like you get sick, you have an illness. Something happens. And now we go to treat

 

432

00:45:41.410 --> 00:45:44.260

Alex - TFM: right. And so I think for us.

 

433

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Alex - TFM: You know we're an early intervention tactic.

 

434

00:45:47.840 --> 00:45:49.290

Alex - TFM: We're not therapy.

 

435

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Alex - TFM: right? We're not. We're not experts, we don't, we don't, deal with people who have any type of disorders. We're not dealing with trauma. We're not dealing with with medication. We're not dealing with all these things, but we had a client that said.

 

436

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Alex - TFM: We're here, so we never end up going to therapy.

 

437

00:46:08.260 --> 00:46:10.740

Alex - TFM: and I thought that was like a really cool

 

438

00:46:10.890 --> 00:46:18.139

Alex - TFM: way to look at it, because there is nothing. You know. There is a connotation with therapy that you're like. You're going for a reason

 

439

00:46:18.620 --> 00:46:23.189

Alex - TFM: no one wakes up, and it's like I should just randomly go to therapy today. Right there's something going on

 

440

00:46:23.590 --> 00:46:31.169

Alex - TFM: but for us we're coming at it like, you know, from a a totally different perspective, that there is nothing wrong with your family.

 

441

00:46:31.840 --> 00:46:39.849

Alex - TFM: There is. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your family. We're just here to facilitate some conversations. And as you build up that muscle, memory

 

442

00:46:39.960 --> 00:46:43.449

Alex - TFM: like our, I think what we're seeing already is

 

443

00:46:43.650 --> 00:46:45.779

Alex - TFM: when people leave our workshops.

 

444

00:46:46.100 --> 00:46:49.340

Alex - TFM: they're better able to communicate at dinner.

 

445

00:46:49.380 --> 00:46:51.060

Alex - TFM: or in your example, like

 

446

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Alex - TFM: you're just a little bit more aware of how you are with your kids, or or something like that. So that preventative care sort of thing kind of jumped out to me as as a you know recent story that that we heard

 

447

00:47:03.510 --> 00:47:04.359

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: love it.

 

448

00:47:04.900 --> 00:47:14.349

Katie Jesionowski: Yeah, I would add, I immediately thought of the values discussion, particularly around a client that we've met through a financial advisor partner.

 

449

00:47:14.540 --> 00:47:19.500

Katie Jesionowski: Many of these families didn't necessarily grow up with the success that they have.

 

450

00:47:19.820 --> 00:47:22.890

Katie Jesionowski: And so the values conversation is

 

451

00:47:23.050 --> 00:47:25.720

Katie Jesionowski: really thought provoking.

 

452

00:47:25.770 --> 00:47:39.849

Katie Jesionowski: I think you know, Alex mentioned before, I want my kids to be as hard working as I was. That's at least a component. There's probably luck and a lot of other factors that came into play, but that was a component for me that I recognize that got me here.

 

453

00:47:39.940 --> 00:47:43.439

Katie Jesionowski: But maybe having an easier life is like

 

454

00:47:43.540 --> 00:47:48.769

Katie Jesionowski: taking that away from my kids right, and that's so common. That's what a lot of people struggle with.

 

455

00:47:48.910 --> 00:47:56.929

Katie Jesionowski: So you know, I can think of at least one person who really looked for the value, and I think ultimately landed on growth.

 

456

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Katie Jesionowski: You know, if you could be somebody who's just trying to improve, to be, say curious, and that was kind of a an encouraging way to instill that in his children

 

457

00:48:08.500 --> 00:48:15.619

Katie Jesionowski: in in a different way than he experienced, but acknowledged, you know, the new set of cars that they had dealt without

 

458

00:48:15.640 --> 00:48:28.940

Katie Jesionowski: making them feel bad about it. Right? There's nothing that your kids can do if you have a better life than you did so. Why not cultivate something out of that instead of you know, like we said, mandating a set of values that no longer apply.

 

459

00:48:29.160 --> 00:48:29.810

Yeah.

 

460

00:48:29.940 --> 00:48:48.289

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: we we you talked about growth, and there was something else you talked about the people wanting to. They're always trying to achieve more in the side of their family, and I want to just share a concept so that people catch this. Dan Sullivan runs a program called Strategic Coach, and he's been coaching entrepreneurs for years, and one of the things that he noticed was

 

461

00:48:49.160 --> 00:48:50.840

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: for human beings.

 

462

00:48:50.930 --> 00:48:54.940

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: because we're always comparing ourselves to somebody else.

 

463

00:48:55.540 --> 00:49:12.229

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: It's a never ending battle to to where you're trying to get to, and so it's like the Your goal is the horizon, because as soon as you get from you know the the Honda to the honda, to the, to the Lexus, to the you know, to the whatever.

 

464

00:49:12.540 --> 00:49:30.009

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: There's always somebody else that has something more, or that looks better than you or whatnot. And so he gave me this really cool tool, and it really changed my life, and he called it, you know he called it. You don't live in the camp, the gap being that where I am versus where I want to be.

 

465

00:49:30.020 --> 00:49:32.859

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: But make sure that you turn around. Do a 180,

 

466

00:49:33.080 --> 00:49:51.700

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and look at all the places that you came from, and all the things that you did, and that's what Tsm does for families is helps them to look at. Yes, there's there's a goal out there, but we're going to build up these muscles. We're going to put this stuff together, so you can see all of the work that you've done through the years

 

467

00:49:51.710 --> 00:49:53.960

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and capture it all. In one place.

 

468

00:49:54.660 --> 00:49:59.480

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I was with a family right before my meeting on Wednesday with

 

469

00:50:01.740 --> 00:50:05.719

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I do. Kat. Nope. Who is my? Who is my coach?

 

470

00:50:06.410 --> 00:50:19.210

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Yeah, thank you. I'm just sorry, Cynthia. Sorry, Cynthia Michael Doesn't mean it. I was with a family friend that we've known for years.

 

471

00:50:20.070 --> 00:50:21.730

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and he's in hospice.

 

472

00:50:22.530 --> 00:50:23.810

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and

 

473

00:50:26.160 --> 00:50:31.219

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I wanted to sit there and make sure that we talked about all of the things that we did.

 

474

00:50:33.210 --> 00:50:48.720

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and and we got a chance to do some of it not as much as I wanted to. It was a big rep big room with lots lots of people. But but that point of you know, when somebody sitting in Hospice they're not ever wishing. I wish I worked more.

 

475

00:50:49.100 --> 00:51:09.720

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: He smiled when we talked about the camping trips that our 2 families took together. He smiled. When you know, just telling the story about the raccoons and my mom stepping on a fuzzy slipper, thinking it was a raccoon, and just the rain that just came down the whole week. We were there, and the last day we're leaving it. Finally the sun comes out.

 

476

00:51:09.730 --> 00:51:12.529

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and but it was the time that we spent together.

 

477

00:51:12.710 --> 00:51:22.729

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and and I love the fact that you guys are cataloging, and that might be one of the other things to catalog. What were the experiences that we did as a family.

 

478

00:51:22.990 --> 00:51:26.799

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: And so talking about cataloging. And in these conversations

 

479

00:51:27.040 --> 00:51:31.380

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: how many you know. And when you started it was, for it was Connect

 

480

00:51:31.530 --> 00:51:34.719

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: modules that you built out. Just have these conversations.

 

481

00:51:34.880 --> 00:51:37.410

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: How many modules do you have today?

 

482

00:51:38.760 --> 00:51:44.790

Alex - TFM: Well, I think it's like somewhere like a family could go through 12 years

 

483

00:51:44.940 --> 00:51:56.999

Alex - TFM: of stuff with us without without repeating right now. But we, you know just a couple of things on, you know, to your, to your your friend.

 

484

00:51:57.120 --> 00:52:01.739

Alex - TFM: We say, you know that you see this quote all the time. It's like it's always too late.

 

485

00:52:01.780 --> 00:52:03.349

Alex - TFM: or it's always too early

 

486

00:52:04.000 --> 00:52:05.280

Alex - TFM: until it's too late.

 

487

00:52:05.690 --> 00:52:09.020

Alex - TFM: And so for these questions, you know these questions. It's like

 

488

00:52:09.840 --> 00:52:18.469

Alex - TFM: I don't think anyone is going to regret the time that they spend doing this type of work, and that's just something that we are really really proud of

 

489

00:52:18.970 --> 00:52:29.050

Alex - TFM: the You know you alluded to someone in Hospice. You hear this from people who have gone through survived plane crash or had any type of near-death experience. They come out with a clarity

 

490

00:52:29.390 --> 00:52:32.750

Alex - TFM: of what's important to them, and it is not

 

491

00:52:32.980 --> 00:52:34.140

Alex - TFM: more money.

 

492

00:52:34.220 --> 00:52:43.319

Alex - TFM: I wish I bought a nicer car. I wish I worked for it. Those just you I I just haven't heard that yet, not saying No one has ever said it, but I just haven't heard it.

 

493

00:52:43.590 --> 00:52:49.870

Alex - TFM: And so for us, when we're doing those types of when we're having, like these types of conversations

 

494

00:52:50.060 --> 00:52:56.320

Alex - TFM: in the moment, it might be hard. It might be like. Why are we doing this? But you won't regret it because

 

495

00:52:56.380 --> 00:53:00.430

Alex - TFM: we sort of built this thing. I don't think you've seen living legacy, but

 

496

00:53:00.480 --> 00:53:09.740

Alex - TFM: It's kind of, you know, coloring in around what a will and a state and a trust might look like. And one of the components of that is like stories.

 

497

00:53:09.810 --> 00:53:13.149

Alex - TFM: because when we lose those amazing people

 

498

00:53:13.270 --> 00:53:19.940

Alex - TFM: we lose those really really great stories, and we've all lost people in our lives, everyone in our company.

 

499

00:53:20.080 --> 00:53:22.270

Alex - TFM: and are just like I wish I had like.

 

500

00:53:22.300 --> 00:53:33.960

Alex - TFM: asked that person what they were most proud of. I wish I knew what their favorite movie was. You know they're just like things like that that I think are really powerful, and then cataloging for them.

 

501

00:53:34.200 --> 00:53:38.440

Alex - TFM: So right now you can go through our stuff for about 12 years.

 

502

00:53:39.520 --> 00:53:48.800

Alex - TFM: But our you get to 12 years you'll be able to go another 30 definitely. Our Our creative process is is really robust.

 

503

00:53:48.870 --> 00:53:55.250

Alex - TFM: and because we have all these smart advisors from from all different walks of life. You know we're getting.

 

504

00:53:55.390 --> 00:54:14.400

Alex - TFM: We're constantly getting ideas of like, hey? We need to do something here for in-laws, hey? We need to do something here, for if you're adopting a child, hey, we need to do something here, if you're in interracial partnerships. And all these ideas just like we're just gonna keep going and looking at the problems like that. But there's also as Katie kind of alluded to

 

505

00:54:15.180 --> 00:54:18.359

Alex - TFM: some of our workshops. You can go through multiple times.

 

506

00:54:18.780 --> 00:54:24.759

Alex - TFM: Roles change over time values. Can you can double down on that?

 

507

00:54:24.860 --> 00:54:28.040

Alex - TFM: We have a workshop about gratitude?

 

508

00:54:29.110 --> 00:54:36.159

Alex - TFM: I I think some of our families are going to do that once a year. Yeah.

 

509

00:54:36.270 --> 00:54:40.230

Alex - TFM: So it's 12 years if you did all that new stuff.

 

510

00:54:40.480 --> 00:54:47.499

Alex - TFM: But I think we probably have enough content to to, you know, serve people for for a good amount of time.

 

511

00:54:48.460 --> 00:54:50.160

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I yeah you.

 

512

00:54:50.350 --> 00:54:51.929

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I told you when we met.

 

513

00:54:52.140 --> 00:54:56.439

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I felt like we were kindred spirits because I've been on this path.

 

514

00:54:56.730 --> 00:55:10.140

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: You just channeled everything that I've been thinking about to be honest with you, and saying, I I but I I have another role I has. I was serving families, and I didn't, you know i'm not a tech person, and putting this stuff together. But.

 

515

00:55:10.650 --> 00:55:12.270

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Alex Kirby.

 

516

00:55:12.320 --> 00:55:13.730

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: you complete me.

 

517

00:55:15.440 --> 00:55:17.739

Alex - TFM: Thank you, Michael.

 

518

00:55:17.930 --> 00:55:26.909

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: and I mean that, and and just the way that I that I said it. This is, i'm so excited for what you're building and what you're creating, and

 

519

00:55:27.150 --> 00:55:28.289

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: you know

 

520

00:55:28.710 --> 00:55:36.079

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: it's show up and help families. That's that's an awesome purpose. I would I would. You know then, how you measure that

 

521

00:55:36.530 --> 00:55:39.039

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: over time is the impact.

 

522

00:55:39.100 --> 00:55:51.580

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: The impact that you're gonna have on people for many generations is going to be incredible, and I couldn't be prouder to be going through this stuff. And you know.

 

523

00:55:51.690 --> 00:55:57.129

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: working with you guys and I, I just think it's an an amazing thing. I don't

 

524

00:55:57.970 --> 00:56:05.129

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: I I don't think you're You're right. I don't think anybody could go through those first 4 things and walk away, saying that was a waste of my time.

 

525

00:56:06.130 --> 00:56:06.979

You don't

 

526

00:56:07.130 --> 00:56:10.069

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: so so powerful in what you're doing.

 

527

00:56:10.160 --> 00:56:13.049

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: How do people get a hold of you?

 

528

00:56:13.340 --> 00:56:32.260

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: How do they? You know? How do they find you? How do they register for this program? If If they have a fine, I I will say, if you have a financial advisor and you're listening to this. Tell your financial advisor about this, so that they can connect you with with this piece, and they, you know, can collaborate with Tfm.

 

529

00:56:32.330 --> 00:56:33.340

But

 

530

00:56:33.670 --> 00:56:37.760

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: why don't you tell people what the next? You know. How do they do this?

 

531

00:56:39.260 --> 00:56:46.810

Katie Jesionowski: Yup! So I would say, if you're if you're out in the world, and you're looking for information or a little bit of commentary on what we're doing.

 

532

00:56:46.900 --> 00:56:50.400

Katie Jesionowski: Linkedin is your best bet right now. Total family management

 

533

00:56:50.640 --> 00:56:58.070

Katie Jesionowski: and all of our email addresses are first names@totalfamilymgmt.com.

 

534

00:56:58.430 --> 00:57:08.349

Katie Jesionowski: So that's the easiest way to find us right now, and that's a really easy way to get a lot more information as we continue to grow the brand, and

 

535

00:57:08.380 --> 00:57:16.120

Katie Jesionowski: you know thankfully get opportunities like this, and to get in front of more people. It just gives us a chance to share the story.

 

536

00:57:17.020 --> 00:57:18.489

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Love it? Thanks, Katie.

 

537

00:57:18.940 --> 00:57:19.970

Katie Jesionowski: Thank you.

 

538

00:57:20.030 --> 00:57:21.889

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Alex. Any parting words.

 

539

00:57:22.710 --> 00:57:26.509

Alex - TFM: No, it's just. I mean, I I think it Advisors

 

540

00:57:26.610 --> 00:57:27.919

Alex - TFM: like you

 

541

00:57:28.070 --> 00:57:34.029

Alex - TFM: are the ones that are going to continue to be less commoditized.

 

542

00:57:34.380 --> 00:57:39.840

Alex - TFM: Get referrals from existing clients, grow organically

 

543

00:57:39.890 --> 00:57:49.819

Alex - TFM: connect with both financial and non financial decision makers and the the next generation. I just think this is the direction that your industry is going

 

544

00:57:49.940 --> 00:58:00.710

Alex - TFM: and just credit to you, for you know, being out in front of it and and thinking about your clients in the same way that you think about your own family, because that's really all you know we're doing too

 

545

00:58:00.800 --> 00:58:01.500

right.

 

546

00:58:02.130 --> 00:58:15.709

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: Hey? G. I've been talking too much here and then at Kev. Christina edit that one right now. Katie Jenowski and Alex. Kirby from total family management. Thank you both. So much for sharing with us today.

 

547

00:58:15.720 --> 00:58:23.080

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: You can also find total family management out on the Internet if you're looking for their website, it's out there.

 

548

00:58:23.130 --> 00:58:31.580

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: My name is Michael Columbus. This, with family wealth and legacy in Rochester, New York, and you've been listening to the family biz show.

 

549

00:58:31.600 --> 00:58:39.150

Michael Palumbos ChFC, CBEC: We really appreciate, you guys, and we look forward to you coming in and tuning into the next episode. Have a great day. Everybody.

If you’re a family business or a family business consultant and want to be on the show, share your story and help other family businesses, send us an email to producer@thefamilybizshow.com or fill out a contact form here!

*not affiliated with Lincoln Financial Advisors Corp.

Michael Palumbos is a registered representative of Lincoln Financial Advisors Corp. Securities and investment advisory services offered through Lincoln Financial Advisors Corp., a broker/dealer (member SIPC) and registered investment advisor. Insurance offered through Lincoln affiliates and other fine companies. Family Wealth & Legacy, LLC is not an affiliate of Lincoln Financial Advisors Corp. Lincoln Financial Advisors Corp. and its representatives do not provide legal or tax advice. You may want to consult a legal or tax advisor regarding any legal or tax information as it relates to your personal circumstances.

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